Crystal Ball

Ben had just sat down for lunch with his parents, Mr Robert Harrison and Ms Jenny Harrison. Ben took up his fork and knife, eager to cut up the chicken in front of him. But Robert stopped him. 

“What do we do every Vanishing Day, son ?”

Ben sighed, “We thank the stars that the World Ender has vanished and remember the countless victims that he killed so that their deaths weren’t in vain.” 

“And ? What else ?” Jenny prompted him.

Ben sighed again, “We wish that the Champion of Ages be returned back to us, so that we may all see her in her glory one more time” he said, reciting it all from memory. 

Robert nodded his head, satisfied. “You may eat now.”

Ben dug into his food gladly. 

It was the middle of winter, which meant that it was Vanishing Day – the day where the evil World Ender and the just Champion of Ages both vanished out of the world, as if they had never existed to begin with. That day following that strange year, Vanishing Day was celebrated. It was the day where people went en masse to the many temples erected to honor the Champion of Ages. It was also rumored that it was also the time where people gathered to honor the World Ender, though this had never been proved. 

Ben wasn’t that interested in the World Ender or the Champion of Ages. They were both before his time. Stories of both of them were often told to him,  but he had trouble believing most of them. He couldn’t believe that the world had been in such dire straits in the past when everything seemed to be just fine now. 

Ben finished his meal quickly and put the dish in the sink. 

“Look at our son, being so quick and efficient . “ Jenny said, beaming at Richard

Richard laughed, “He’s a growing boy. He needs to eat a lot. “ 

Ben rolled his eyes as he went upstairs. “I’ll be in the attic. “ He shouted as he sprinted up the stairs. 

“Have fun up there !” Robert shouted back. He turned and looked at his wife. “I don’t know what he finds so fascinating about that place.”

Jenny just grinned at him, “Maybe he’s looking for our wedding pictures. I know I put it up there somewhere.” 

Robert grinned back, “Yeah maybe. You know, that wedding was the best day of my life because I got you as my wife.” He took her hand in his and squeezed it. 

“Oh you flirt !” Jenny playfully slapped his hand away. 

“It’s true.if I went back in time to that day, I wouldn’t have changed a single thing.”

Jenny became misty eyed. “That day really was perfect. But then, every day is perfect when I’m with you.” 

Robert blushed and looked away. 

Ben was up in the attic, an unwilling listener to the conversation that his parents were having.  From a young age, he always had exceptional hearing, so he could hear the conversation his parents were having crystal clear. His parents were being so lovey dovey that he wanted to barf. He was going to become eighteen soon and he couldn’t wait to leave the place and make it on his own just so that he didn’t have to hear that sort of talking. 

But before he left home, he needed to explore the attic more. He hadn’t even known that they had an attic until his dad had mentioned to him offhandedly a few months ago. He couldn’t believe that so many things had been kept right over his bedroom and he had been none the wiser. First chance he got he went up to explore the place.

What he found blew his mind. There were swords and mystical scrolls, miniature paintings and life-sized statues – there were wondrous things no matter where he looked. 

When he asked his parents about them they just had a blank look in their eyes, as if the things weren’t that interesting at all. He suspected they were hiding something about them from him but he couldn’t figure out what that something was.

He opened his box and saw a bunch of junk which wasn’t too typical for the attic. But of course, not every single box in the attic had to have something exciting. He was about to put it back when he noticed that something was glowing in the depths of the box. 

He shifted the things in the book to get the glowing object. He pulled it out and stared at it for a while. 

It was a glowing crystal and it was pulsating. 

Ben gingerly turned it around, fascinated by the light. It glowed a rich, deep blue, so soothing he could feel it deep in his heart. He could feel a light similar to that of the crystal emanating from deep within him. 

Why had he been up here in the first place? He was preparing to leave this place so why was he so fixated on the attic? He was going to put the crystal back into the box. Yes, he’d put it right back in and put the box in one of the deepest corners so that no one else could reach it. He would then go down to his room and forget about the attic. All the swords and the mystical objects didn’t concern him. He would never mention this place to anyone ever again. 

A loud bang broke him out of his reverie and he dropped the crystal. It fell down and smashed into a million pieces. 

“What was that ? A rat ?”, He thought, startled. As if in response, a rat appeared and scampered off. Why had he thought about forgetting the attic ? That had been so strange. 

Now, he had been still hearing the chat that was happening between his parents and he had managed to tune out most of it. But he couldn’t tune out what he heard now. They were shouting at the top of their lungs that the whole house seemed to be shaking. 

“Why was I trying to feed you ? World Ender ! What are you doing here ?” He heard his mother shouting.

“That’s just what I wanted to ask of you, Champion.  What are you doing here ?” He heard his father raising his voice to a level he had never heard of him before. 

“Is this one of your tricks ? Did you put some spell on my mind. Answer me !” 

“You’re just acting aren’t you ? It was you who put some spell on my mind ! Isn’t that right ?” 

Ben ran downstairs before any thoughts formed in his head. What was happening ? His parents had never fought in their lives at all. It had been sickening how in love they were. What were they spouting off ? They were the Champion and the World Ender ? This had to be some sort of joke. 

“Mom ! Dad ! Stop. Why are both of you fighting ?” He shouted at the top of his lungs. Fortunately, he couldn’t hear them shouting anymore which meant he had their attention. He sprinted downstairs so fast he was out of breath when he arrived in front of them. 

He was greeted with such a strange sight he had to rub his eyes just to make sure he was seeing things correctly. His mom stood on one side of the room, in what could only be described as a fighting stance. She was pointing a fork that still had a piece of chicken on it towards his dad. 

His dad occupied the opposite corner. His chair had been knocked over as if he had gotten out in a hurry. He was taking some sort of martial arts stance. 

His mom and dad looked at him. That was the most startling thing of all. In their eyes was no sign of recognition that he was their son. 

“Mom. Dad. What are you doing ?” He asked after he calmed down from panting. 

His mom ignored him. “Is this some sort of illusion World Ender ? You think you can tug at my heartstrings by making a boy call me ‘Mom’ ? You know I can’t get pregnant ! “ 

His dad shook his head, “A very low chance doesn’t mean you can’t get pregnant.” 

Ben didn’t really understand what was happening. “Please Mom. Dad. Sit down. Let’s discuss this. We can talk it out.” 

His dad seemed to like the idea, “Yes. Let’s talk it out.” 

His mom seemed to have other ideas though, “What are you talking about World Ender ? You believe this boy ? That he is our son ? No, this is also a part of your trick. I can see it now.”

His dad shook his head, and held his palms up. “As you can see, I don’t have my sword Life Ender on me and  you don’t have your sword Light of the Ages with you. Unless you cast a transformation spell on that fork.” His mom cursed and dropped the fork. 

“Thought not.” His dad continued,  “You know what happens if we fight with just our fists. It ends in a draw. Every single time. You are welcome to try though. “ His dad went and put his chair back up before sitting on it. 

His mom cursed and sat on a chair. “It appears that we are at a stalemate.” She glanced at Ben. “This boy. This is some trick isn’t it. A transformation spell. He’s actually one of your minions in disguise.”

Robert shook his head, “You’re welcome to try and reverse the spell if you think so. I assure you that it is real.” 

Jenny cursed and closed her eyes. She then muttered some strange syllables that resonated after being uttered. Then she opened her eyes. And stared. “That was my most powerful reversal spell. You mean that this is actually real ?” She put her head in her hands.

“Please. Why are both of you fighting ?  You were both always so in love with each other.” Ben asked them again, hoping this was some sort of weird practical joke that they were playing against him. 

“Love ? Him ? You may be real but you are definitely not sane.” His mom started laughing in a way that he had never seen her do in his life. 

“Stop it mom. You’re scaring me. “ Ben quivered in fear. 

“Don’t worry boy. I believe you. “ His dad smiled at him in such a sinister fashion that Ben felt more scared of him than his mom. 

“How can you just believe all of this so quickly ? You and I married ? Both of us having a kid ? Both of us being in love is the most insane thing of all” Jenny spat at Robert as she asked him that.

Robert shook his head. “Looks like the crystal worked a bit too well. Where is it boy ? If the spell is broken then something must have happened to it.” 

Ben stammered, “C–C-Crystal ? The blue one ? It’s broken.”

Robert nodded his head, “Yes, That makes sense. Champion, what year is it right now ?”

Jenny replied without thinking, “3440. Why do you ask ?” 

Robert pointed at Ben, “Boy, what year is it ?”

“My name is Ben”, said Ben, “And the year is currently 3460.”

Robert nodded his head, “Thought so.” 

Jenny shook her head, “This is ridiculous. Is everyone going insane !” 

“I wish we were. But this is all true. Look at yourself. You’ve grown older, there’s wrinkles on your forehead and your hair’s not as lustrous as it once was” Robert stated matter of factly. 

Jenny looked at herself. “You’re right. I do feel old. Oh no, this can’t be happening. Why is this happening ?” 

“I can help you with that,” Robert said, rather smugly. “You remember our last battle ? You were very dashing then if I do say so myself. Anyways, if I remember, I took out a blue crystal in the fight. Do you remember that ?”

Jenny’s face had scrunched up in disgust when he called her ‘dashing’ but she did reply, “Yes, of course. There was a crystal and a bright light and  that’s the last memory till this evening.” 

Ben couldn’t keep quiet anymore. “Mom ? Don’t you remember me ? I’m your son. You and Dad dated for three years then had me. I’m seventeen. I like climbing trees and riding my bike. I like exploring new places. You’re always telling me to stay safe. You always say that you love me before kissing me good night. Is this because I broke the vase that one time ? I said I was sorry. Is this because I tell you that you don’t have to kiss me goodnight because I’m a man now ? You can kiss me on the forehead every night from now on. Come on, you don’t have to pretend you don’t know me. You love me. I’m your son. You know who I am, don’t you ?” Ben reached out and grabbed his mom’s hands and held them tight. He felt tears coming to his eyes. 

Jenny averted her eyes and took her hands away. She didn’t say anything. Even Robert seemed uncomfortable for a few moments. 

“Well anyways,” Robert said, “The crystal was used to wipe out all your memories. I figured if I couldn’t defeat you, I might as well make you forget you were the hero in the first place. I wasn’t counting on the crystal being so strong though. I had set up protection spells on myself so that I wouldn’t be affected by it but that obviously didn’t work. I forgot everything about myself too. I became someone else. We both fell in love because we were two different people.”

Jenny shook her head furiously, “No, no, no, no. I refuse to believe I fell in love with you. I can’t have had a kid with you. This is not true.” Suddenly, she stopped. “Well, all of that doesn’t matter now. I know the truth. You’re the World Ender and you’ll die by my hands.”

Ben shouted, “Mom ! No ! Stop !” 

Robert narrowed his eyes,”You’re not thinking about this clearly. What will the world think when they figure out that the Champion and the World Ender got married and had a kid ? You’ll be mocked and ridiculed. People will want to kill you because they’d think you’ve joined my side. There’ll be enemies all around you. And what about Ben? People from both sides might want to kidnap the kid in order to have their demands met. No, proclaiming ourselves as the World Ender and the Champion doesn’t sound like a good idea at all. “ 

Jenny rocked in her chair back and forth, lost in thought. “You’re right. I can’t kill you without telling everyone that you’re the World Ender. They’d think that I murdered an innocent person.”

Robert snorted, “You’re not so innocent yourself. How many of my minions did you kill to reach me ? Simon was my accountant ! He had never done anything remotely evil.”

Jenny simmered, clearly fired up. “Any person associated with you must be punished.” 

“Tell that to Simon’s family.” Robert said coldly. “I have a long list of names that never participated directly in the war but still helped me that you’ve killed. As I’m sure you have a long list of names of people who weren’t directly in the war that I’ve killed. Let’s just say that there’s blood on both of our hands and leave it at that.” 

All the air in Jenny seemed to deflate. “What do you propose we do then ?” she asked,

“I propose that we forget everything again,” Robert answered.

They were all in the attic now. Looking at the shattered crystal pieces. “This can be reformed really easily with a simple reformation spell” Jenny observed.

Robert knelt and surveyed the mess before standing up, “I never had any need for reformation spells so I don’t know any of them. Please get this over with quickly.”

Jenny was miffed. “Don’t you dare order me around. I’m going to do it at my own pace. And I’m not doing this for you or even me. I’m doing this for Ben. He needs to live a normal life.”

Robert just nodded. 

Jenny closed her eyes and muttered some sort of strange incantation again. All the pieces of the sphere slowly flew towards each other until they were made into the crystal ball. 

Ben stared agape. He had no idea that his mom knew magic. His mom had always been just a normal person before. Sure she said that her cooking was really good because of magic but this was the real thing. He couldn’t believe his eyes.

The crystal reformed in the air and slowly drifted towards Jenny. She lifted out both her hands and held it. All of them stared, waiting for something to happen. 

The crystal began glowing and pulsating again. 

All three of them stood transfixed. Yes, they’d put the crystal back in the box. Yes, they’d put the box in the corner of the attic. Yes, they’d forget about the attic and everything in it. Yes, they’d ….

Ben was in bed now, feeling sleepy. He had a foggy memory of being so stressed out that he was spent. But that couldn’t be right. Nothing much happened that day. They had had lunch, then he was in his room for a while before going back and eating dinner. Really uneventful. Why was he feeling stressed ? As soon as he was wondering about it, it faded away. It really was nothing. 

He yawned and closed his eyes. 

His mom and dad came in. “Good night sweetie.” his mom said coming up to him and giving him a good night kiss on his forehead. “Sweet dreams.” His dad was standing at the doorway, “Good night.” his dad said to him. 

Ben muttered sleepily, “Good night. Love you both.” before falling asleep, feeling so drained that he couldn’t keep his eyes open for another second. 

Robert and Jenny moved away from the door towards their own room. “He never says love you” Jenny said, “What happened today that he decided to say it ? He didn’t even object to the goodnight kiss like he usually does.” 

Robert shrugged his shoulders.”Maybe he realized he had the best mother in the whole world. Just like I’ve realized that I have the best wife in the whole world.” He held her shoulder and squeezed it. 

“Oh, you !” Jenny giggled before lightly punching him. “You’re always flirting with me. I really need to step my game up. You’re the best husband in the world, obviously, but also the best kisser.”

“Oh Really ?” Robert raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, really. I’ll show you” Jenny giggled. Then she leaned upwards and met his lips. 

They kissed each other very passionately that night. 


WARNING: I get a bit depressed here. Don’t read if you don’t want to feel too down

I find myself screaming at the Universe. Screaming for attention, for love, for happiness forever, for anything that will take the pain away, and it replies with silence, with indifference, with a sense of cold apathy that only a Universe devoid of any emotion can give. And yet I can’t seem to understand. I can’t seem to change. I can’t simply give up. I keep screaming and screaming and screaming till I grow bored of this world and myself and everything else.

What do I want? Do I want life or death? To be or not to be as Hamlet famously said. I’m not sure and that scares me more than if I had an answer. Death is oh so final, yet Life seems just as boring. Life keeps changing, that’s true- yet there is a sense of monotonous behind it, kind of like Christmas lights changing through five colors before returning back to the first color and starting the cycle all over again. Change is always present in life, yet it never feels like it – get up, eat, sleep, repeat. How is each day different from the next then, if all days feel the same?

It’s at this point when I contact mental health services. Yet their advice doesn’t seem to change as well. There’s always “Some other people have what you have, don’t you feel better now ?”. Telling me that is like telling me that someone else has black hair. How am I supposed to empathize with other people who have depression like me when I know nothing else about them? It’s just bad advice. There’s also “Do things to occupy your time that you enjoy, and then you won’t be thinking depressing thoughts”. The problem with that is you can’t do things all the time, and your mind can and will think depressing thoughts when you’re not doing things.  There’s always novels to be read, shows and movies to be watched but that can get boring in its own way. You realize one day that you can never finish all the books that come out, never finish all the movies and shows that come out, because there’s always more and more and more. You realize that one day you’ll die having not finished reading the end to a novel series that you’ve waited to end forever (I’m looking at you “A Song and Ice and Fire”), not finished a show or a movie series or even an anime that seems to never end. Then you might say “What’s the point?” but you’ll also say “Why?WHY?WHY?” till your screaming again.

Maybe if I find someone to love, it will be fine for me, the thing is I don’ think I’m capable of love or in making bonds. I’m not very good at making friends and I don’t really like my family all that much either. I will die alone, and I’m fine with that.


Living in the Now is trash

There’s been something that’s been bugging me for a while now. It started of as a slight itch in my mind that I thought I could control, but it became more and more irritating the more I thought about it. I need to write about it. It doesn’t matter if no one reads this, at least I got it out of my system. The thing that’s been troubling me is this “inspirational” quote that I come across now and then- “Live in the now”. I can’t begin to comprehend how much I despise this quote. But I will try and formulate my thoughts.

What do people mean really when people say “Live in the now”? Or alternatively “Live in the present” or its negation “don’t think about the past and the future. The present is the only real thing”? I have come to the understanding that they have come to the conclusion that they mean that the past and the future are irrelevant when compared to the present. Of course, Maybe I can’t seem to twist the meaning of this quote to something else that these people are actually saying and I am just not getting it. But I believe my conclusions regarding this quote is correct and indeed if you disagree with me please comment your concerns.

Well, to see if this quote is indeed in the least bit true then we need to test its implications. Let’s first consider the past in relation with the present. Is the past really as unimportant as the present? Consider for a moment, your childhood. Do you remember anything of your childhood? How you played and fooled around with your friends? How you would go off on an adventure every day?How you would discover some new thing and become very passionate about it? I myself have but the vaguest inclinations of what occurred in my childhood and I’m not even a proper adult yet. Still, the fog of memories that I do have I have concluded that they are pretty good. What about when you meet an old friend that you haven’t seen in a while. Would you laugh and tell stories with each other about what happened in the past, or would you tell them “I only live in the present” and walk away? I have asked you many questions and I hope your answers to my questions strengthen my point.

Maybe you’re thinking “Ah, the cube root of 1728 is 12” and to that I tell you, you’re absolutely correct. You may also be thinking “But the quote in question is just to be used when you don’t want to dwell on your past because of some bad things that may have happened back then. Maybe your parents got divorced, maybe your crush in middle school never noticed you. When these sad thoughts pop up in your head, you quote “I live only in the present” and then the rest of your day is a cheerful one. Except there’s a problem. You may in the same breath say another quote to someone else “Learn from your mistakes”. These two quotes are inherently contradictory because learning from your mistakes means not repeating the same mistakes in the future which means remembering the bad stuff in the past and overcome. Your parents got divorced? Come up with strategies so that you and your partner don’t share the same fate. Your crush never noticed you? Well, maybe you should talk to them first and then they’ll notice you. Forgive me if I don’t practice what I preach but I do recognize that being human is hard and if you don’t learn from your mistakes, you don’t need to beat yourself for it. If the past is irrelevant then people would never grow and change, for better of for worse.

But is past as real as the present? I would say it is, if not more so. If it wasn’t, there wold be no need for a history class. But feel free to disagree. Anyways, I think I have gone on long enough about the past. How about the future? Surely something that is clearly imaginary is less important than something that is clear and tangible-that is, the present. Well, maybe not. The idea of morality is also something that is clearly intangible, and yet most people would agree that people being moral is more important than if you were putting in your full focus on your bath or not. Ideas are often times more important than real, tangible things.

What’s so great about the future you ask? Let me tell you- your whole life depends on it. You go about and make plans for the future the whole day. If you didn’t worry about the future, you would never study for a test, or cook a meal that you will eventually eat or set an appointment with the dentist the next week. Not thinking about the future is extremely detrimental to you.

Well, that’s enough ranting from me for now. I think I kind of burned out writing about how the past was important and that’s why I wrote so little about why the future is important. If you can’t tell, I’m not used to writing so much. Maybe I’ll re-edit this (if the site allows) and I can make this post more expansive. See you soon!

Heavenly Pursuit

Heavenly Pursuit

My name’s Joan. I know it’s a girl’s name, but I’m a guy, so deal with it. At least people keep telling me that I’m a male. Would like to know what it feels like to be a female though. It’s not a very strong desire by any means. It ranks right up with visiting the North Pole and being drenched in snow. Yeah, I really hate the cold. Anyways, enough with the pointless introductions, you’ve come here for a story, not a long list of things that a person is. You’ve forgotten my name already, haven’t you? Wish I was called something exotic like “Saswat”. Heard it means “everlasting” in Sanskrit. Cool language – Sanskrit. Got to have some Sanskrit speaking people come to my house and teach me that one day.

Once I had a person, whom I’ll call Samuel for the sake of anonymity, come to my house. The conversation began something like this.

Samuel – “I didn’t expect it to be like this.”

Me- “Expect the unexpected”

S-“Don’t you – like – Ok, I’m just going to say it. It’s just that people have portrayed a very bad image of you. No offence.”

Me- “None taken. People always seem to expect me to be like that. Maybe it’s the horns.”

Oh, didn’t I mention that little detail about myself? Yes, I have horns, and yes, people seem to feel intimidated just looking at them. I want them to believe I’m nice. But it’s always about first impressions. And my first impressions aren’t the greatest.

The horns and some other reasons are why I don’t leave my house. Still, I’ve come to terms with the fact that people will judge me. Some of their reactions even amuses me.

Nobody wants to come to see me, but when they do, they’re always pleasantly surprised. I play board games with them, hide and seek, even video games although I’m no good at them. Just whatever to keep them happy. The only complaint they have is that it’s too hot in my house, but the thermostat’s always “broken”. (I like the way it is, and don’t want it to cool down). They’re always happy when they leave.

Here’s something that may come out of left field, but it’s something that I’ve been thinking for a while – I want to visit heaven. I know people say that you only go up there when you die. Hell, some people might even say that heaven doesn’t exist. I like to think that it’s up there. I’d like to visit there while I’m still alive

Well, let’s cut the story short – after many trials and tribulations, the tales of which will doubtless make a better story than this one, I reached heaven. (Actually, I just booked a flight there. You just have to know where to look).

Finally, I was standing at the pearly gates I had so often heard about. It was just like the gates and the clouds like it’s depicted in the books.

I was stopped at the gates by this very beautiful angel. She had pearly eyes and beautiful white wings. She said, “I’m sorry, no one’s scheduled to be here at this moment of time that fits your physical description. Can you please give me your name, address and if you can, as it will help me greatly in looking you up, the time you died?”

I asked, “Well, what’s your name?”

She said, “Andrea”

“That’s a really pretty name. My name is Joan.” I could hear her giggle a little bit, but I carried on bravely, “And I find your eyes and wings so beautiful, it’s beyond words. Would you like to go out on a date with me?”

She blushed a bit, and said, “People usually talk about meeting God than they are talking to me, much less asking me out. I’ll have to ask God if he’ll let me go, though.”

“That’s alright. Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t you take me to him with you?”

She agreed and a moment later, we were in God’s palace. I could see him sitting on the throne. He seemed a bit surprised at seeing me. I rolled my eyes. “Must be the horns again”, I thought.

Andrea stated, “God, this nice gentleman here, who goes by the name of Joan, has asked me to go out on a date with him. Can I? Please?”

God stared at her like she’d gone insane. Then he looked at me angrily. Then he shouted, “NO!”

I asked, “Why?”

He said, “Isn’t it obvious. Because you, you…”

I thought, “Here it comes.”

The next thing he shouted – nay- screamed, was just enough to make the palace wobble a little. A chandelier fell and crashed, and you could hear that the roof was about to go down any second.


“Well you don’t have to be so rude about it.”

“It’s the truth. What are you doing away from hell? Are you here to fight me? What do you want?”
“I just wanted to go on a date with Andrea. Look at what you’ve done to her, you’ve frightened her to death. Andrea, you can go now. I just need to talk it out with God.”

Andrea left. She was near crying. God was now confused. He asked, “Who will greet the sinners that enter hell now?”

“Oh, I’ve got Samuel on the job. Tonight’s karaoke night.” I added helpfully.

“Karaoke night! Murderers and rapists singing! What kind of punishment is that?”

“Oh no, those people, I put their souls in vials where they undergo torture which I deem according to my moral compass. Then they leave.”

“Leave?” God was now curious.

“Their souls disappear. No, no, the karaoke night is for people who believe that they’re sinners when they’re not. Thinking you’re a sinner is very different from committing a sin. However, the system doesn’t know the difference and it sends them my way. I don’t complain though. I get to hang around with great people, and when they’re ready, they leave too.

“I’ve never heard of souls leaving before.”
“You should grant them permission first.”

“Oh, that must be it. Nice solution to all this overcrowding we are facing at the moment.

We talked about that and other solutions to problems that I’m not going to bore you with,

then I asked the question that was brewing in my mind for quite some time – ” So, can I ask Andrea out for a date?”

God thought about it for a moment (which seemed odd to me, because if God had made a plan from the very beginning of creating the universe then he knew what I would ask, so he would just reply instantly. Unless, the fact that he should think about it for a moment was also part of the plan. Come  to think about it, me thinking about why God is thinking for a moment could also be part of the plan. I decided not to open this can of worms.) , “I command you never to speak to Andrea again. In fact, I banish you to hell. You must never come up to heaven again”.

“But, but why? What did I do wrong?” I furrowed my head a bit in displeasure.

“If you and Andrea have a baby, no one knows how powerful it might be. A person with the blood of the devil and an angel ! Untold amount of destruction awaits.”

“Oh, but I’m only asking for a date! I don’t even know if I want a baby with her. If I ever get to fourth base with her, I promise I’ll use a rubber.” My eyes went down sheepishly.

“Nevertheless, I cannot take this risk. You are hereby banned from heaven.”

I found myself suddenly and without warning in my humble abode of hell. I was saddened that I couldn’t see Andrea anymore. I was looking forward to the date we were going to have. Well, there was plenty of fish in the sea, I thought, trying to console myself. Still, I felt dejected that I couldn’t even begin a relationship that was cut short prematurely. I knew in movies guys try very hard and get the girl eventually. But first of all, we hardly knew each other, and second of all, this was not a movie. I decided to set aside any hope of ever seeing Andrea again.














Writing about my depression

I really don’t know where to begin with this. Guess I’ll just start by saying that I have been diagnosed with severe depression and I am doing nothing to reduce that situation for the moment. I just feel like ending it sometimes, you know? I just never seem to have the energy to go through with it though. Don’t worry, I’m not feeling suicidal at the moment. Save your moral outrage for that dog that was killed on United airlines because it was stuffed into the over hanging bin because the air hostess forced the dog’s family to do that.

I don’t know when I figured out that people where inherently selfish (not that it’s a bad thing to be selfish) but I realized that people were just using me for their benefits. Even unselfish acts are done just because that particular person wants to feel better.  I grew more and more cynical against people after that realization. I distance myself from people even now and I consider myself to be a “loner”. I wouldn’t consider myself to have any real friends whom I talk with on a regular basis. This I guess, is because I feel like I will use my friend for emotional comfort if I had one. For some reason, that just makes me feel icky, doesn’t matter if I acknowledge how great of a friend they are, in the end, it’s just a transaction. I give them some emotional support and I get some in return. I know I use people everyday though, because I have no choice. I use my parents to give me money for college, they use me to get the feeling of being proud because I do what they tell me to do. It’s all just a series of transactions and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. In fact, nothing should be done about it. This is how society has evolved, and it is here to stay. Guess I like rebelling against society, that’s all.

One of the other reasons for depression is that I don’t see the point or the purpose. Who would care for me, a hundred years from now? Even if I, somehow managed to become famous – I will only be remembered for being “That guy who did that thing” and kids will grumble when they read about me in history books and the world will move on just fine without me. Maybe I’m making too much of a big picture here. Let’s say that I have to focus on the here and now. The future is only there for us to worry about, what really matters is what’s happening NOW. Well, what is happening now? Same old, same old, I will say and I’m getting tired of it. Even if I somehow radically change my lifestyle tomorrow, I know that I will feel the same inside. After all, I have moved to the US from India and I have gone to college from high school. Both of them lead to radically different lifestyles, yet I feel even more depressed than before.

Psychology dictates that if I keep doing stuff, then I wouldn’t have time to be depressed. But is there all there is to life? Doing one thing after another until death. Sounds a bit repetitive if you ask me. Maybe I should just accept that taking some drug will make me feel better. I highly doubt it to work effectively. he problem is, I need money, and I got none. To be fair, I’ve got health insurance, but then my parents will know about it. Let’s not get my parents involved in this , now shall we? Deal? Deal.

Sorry if I depressed you a bit. Hope you got something out of it, even if that something is the fact that a dog died on United airlines. Oh, one last thing, Stephen Hawking died today, peace be upon him. See you later!


So, I recently moved to Purdue after the holidays, and it was fine. The weather here’s horrible though, probably the same in Ohio. Just snow upon snow upon snow. When will it end.

I played at an arcade machine tonight. I didn’t even know we had an arcade machine! Played lots of Pac man and Galaga . It reminded me of growing up in the 90s ( I was born in ’98, so I did grow up in the 90s) . It was lots of fun.

Sorry if it seems a bit boring till now, surprise, I have a boring life. I’m no Walter White who definitely had the most exciting life of all time. Also, I’m debating on whether to make this account an online journal thingie or a site where I discuss certain topics that I feel strongly about.

I might start writing more about philosophy as my philosophy class is getting pretty interesting. Probably be a total noob at explaining concepts though. Well, time will tell.

Review of 2017

Since it’s almost the end of  a year (it already is the end in some parts of the world) I decided to review what happened to me in this here blog ( I would talk about you instead of me, but I don’t know you, now do I). So, a lot of stuff happened.

I feel like that’s the perfect explanation for whatever happened this year a lot of stuff happened. For real though, what happened this year? I graduated, right? Or was that last year? Idk, this year’s been a blur. My whole life’s been a blur. Remembering has always been blurry for me. I definitely need glasses to combat that.

So, I started college, I remember that, then I killed myself because college is too hard and I’m writing from the afterlife. No,no,no that doesn’t seem right. Seriously though, college burned me out and I stopped caring about anything since then. Making stupid jokes is all I know to pass by the day, and most of the time no one hears them anyway. I’ve always been an edge edgy edgelord come to think about it, and college just made me realize that more.

Anyways, what else happened to me this year? All I can remember for sure is that I grew a year older. Maybe that memory’s been falsely planted in my brain and I just feel like I’ve grown older. The world could’ve been made last Thursday after all.

I don’t think I’m going to do one of these review what happened this year next year (sounds confusing but you know what I mean. And if you don’t, then nod your head like you do) I barely remember what I ate for lunch yesterday, much less what I accomplished this year.

Before I go, here’s one thing that you’ve got to remember – 127 is a prime number.